Healed to Heal

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote! Since June, I was being prompted to write a new post, but I always made up excuses. Today, though, I found the courage to sit down and write—to give back glory to God, especially during these trying times. 

4 days after my successful thyroidectomy 15 months ago, we received the biopsy results—the removed tumor had Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma.

Two different doctors (both long-time experts in their respective fields, endocrinology and nuclear medicine) both advised me to undergo Radioactive Iodine Treatment to burn whatever remaining cells were left behind during the surgery. On September, I finally decided to push through with the treatment. I had to go off my meds for a month before I could undergo RAI, which meant that I couldn’t rely on the medicine that essentially served as my new thyroid—it was a difficult time, filled with nearly unbearable pain as I went through the days like a hormone-deprived zombie. They say that the thyroid is like the engine of the body, and to not have the replacement (the medicine) of such a vital organ made it all the more harder to function normally. Honestly, I didn’t think I could make it. 

To undergo RAI meant swallowing a radioactive pill and isolating myself for three days or more — everything I touch and use will be cleaned or thrown away as radioactive waste. There are so many horror stories from Thyroid Cancer patients, and so many drastic side effects. Doctors advise it because it is the medical standard.

I wasn’t afraid of the side effects, because I know and believe that God will be with me and He will protect me. I believe in His healing power. But I had to weigh out the pros and cons to discern what was truly His will for me. Last January, the night before my visit to nuclear medicine, I told myself whatever advice the doctor will give, I will follow.

The following day, the doctor tells me that I should do the RAI treatment. I asked him if I could be assured that I would be completely healed and cancer-free afterwards, to which he replied, “I cannot heal you, only God can!”

Tears sprung to my eyes once I heard his words. He was right—only God can heal. He works through people, but it is only Him that has the ability to heal. It was as though God was telling me, “I am the only Healer!” 

Because of that, I decided not to go through with the RAI treatment. Everyday, from October to May, I prayed and meditated. Since day 1, I was flooded with God’s love, His healing grace flowing through in each part of me. My muscle pain went away, alongside other aches I felt. God never failed to shower me with his vast, unconditional love. One time, while meditating, I felt Him tell me, “You are already healed! Since November, you are cancer-free. Don’t you notice you don’t have any symptoms at all? 

Yes, I am already healed. He healed me. I have claimed my healing and am immensely grateful! I may not have laboratory test results from the doctor stating that I am cancer free, but God is the most powerful Healer, all-knowing God. 

I now understand why God allowed me this challenge, that any human being wouldn't want to have, being diagnosed with cancer. At one point, before I realized I had to undergo surgery, I was so scared, questioning God and His purpose. “Why me, Lord? Am I not a good person?” A part of me knew not to question Him—but now that question is answered. 

He let it happen, not because He wanted to, but so I could allow Him to work in my life, to deepen my faith in Him, to seek Him more, to trust Him more. It was a test, surely, but even in the middle of my dark valley, He never left me. 

In the midst of my trials, I experienced His unconditional love like never before. This test is the greatest blessing of my life, and I am forever grateful to God for it. In that dark season, He worked through me in ways I never thought or imagined, taking my faith deeper than I could have ever dreamt of. 

And now, today, I am ready, to serve Him. I am ready to serve my purpose: to share His light, to be a reflection of His love, and to help heal others as well, in whatever way I can. I have been healed so I can heal. 

Friend, we’re in tough times. Some might say we’re all in the same boat, but that’s not true — some are comfortable in their yachts, while others are struggling in their little canoes. But this truth still holds: God loves you — and His love is the kind of love that we cannot ever fully comprehend, not on this side of heaven, the kind that forgives and believes no matter what, the kind that fills you and lifts you up, the kind that is steadfast and unfailing. God is looking at you right now, in this moment, and He wants to tell you that He loves you. He’s reaching out His hand to you, beckoning you to see and experience His goodness for yourself.

Open your heart to Him, my dear friend. 

"Everything and everyone that the Father has given me will come to me, and I won't turn any of them away. "

John 6:37

Praying for you,

Alpha

September 1, 2020