On Trust & Surrender

It’s been a while since my last post—I’ve been longing to make one, but laziness, sad to say, has reigned these past few months. But not today! ☀️

Despite my best efforts, I’m still struggling with following my health protocol (right foods, good sleep, and exercise) even after aiming to restart again. 

A couple of weeks ago, I scheduled an appointment with a new endocrinologist. I prayed to God for a loving, sincere, kind and skilled endo. I also prayed that whatever advice my new endocrinologist will give, I’ll obey it, for it is God’s will. 🪷

I visited my new endo, and after reading my biopsy, he immediately ordered for my surgery—total thyroidectomy. It’s been causing airway blockage, as the lump is displacing my trachea, and can collapse it. There are moments where I feel choked, and my doctor was concerned when I told him. I might not be able to breathe while asleep, he said.

Sitting there in his office, I knew it was time to undergo surgery. A week later, I returned and informed him of our decision to push thru with the operation. As I write this, I’m currently scheduled for operation in a couple of weeks.

I’ve been delaying this surgery for a year now. I tried natural healing. I truly believe that it heals, and it did heal me. It resolved my brain fog, my hair fall stopped, I slept soundly at night—though late still—and the tingling numbness in my limbs lessened. Even the lump shrunk. I truly felt better following it, and I do believe that it has the ability to heal me, but perhaps, it’s just not the path that God wants me to take. Maybe I didn’t do enough, in terms of thoroughly following the protocol to the dot, but His will be done, not mine.

I have so many fears—complication, reliance on maintenance medicine, costs. I don’t have any regrets in delaying my surgery, I’m deeply grateful that in the span of one year, I was able to prepare mentally, physically and spiritually. Though I want to push through with natural medicine, I’ve made the decision to step out of fear, into faith. 

A year ago, I would not have agreed for operation, but I don’t want it to be too late. As what He has always told me, He has already healed me, even from the moment He allowed this sickness to happen to me. As the past year went on, my fears turned to trust, molding me into the person God has planned for me to be. ❤️

To have faith in the midst of doubt is a path that is riddled with many obstacles and tests. There are so many what-ifs in our lives, in this world. “What if I don’t get the job that I’ve always wanted? What if I lose that relationship? What if the next day, there’s not enough money for me to put food on the table?”

But the thing is, why can’t we trust the uncertain to the only One who is certain in this world that is ever changing? 

Faith over fear—why wouldn’t I trust the unknown to the all-knowing God? Why wouldn’t I trust His plans, good plans to give me hope and a future? Everything, everything is uncertain. The rug could be pulled out from beneath our feet at any second. The sun could cease to shine the next day, the animals could all be gone off the earth—a position that could be a sad, harsh reality in the future—but He will always be there. So why can’t we trust?

It’s only human nature to doubt. God welcomes our doubt—He wants honesty in our relationship with Him, for what kind of relationship would it be if we were unable to be honest with our own God? A relationship that is supposed to be the greatest, most intimate one we have?

Doubts have the potential to turn into faith, if only we let it. We don’t want it to cause a rift instead of drawing us closer. Faith that has been forged in the fire of trials is the faith that will lead us to Him. 🙏🏻

You see, Jesus is already in our tomorrow. Hard as it may be to fathom, Jesus is already there, and He is there years in the future, as He is here right now, as you read this. It’s easy to mistake the seeming absence of feeling God as Him being away from us, but that’s the truth. 

Our feelings are fickly, complicated things, and to rely our faith on whether or not we felt God’s presence during Sunday worship is a dangerous thing to do. Our faith, of all things, should be founded upon His love, and the truth of His character and His promises: He will never leave us, He is for us, and He has good plans for us. 

There’s this sentence in The Purpose-Driven Life that drives home the point: God didn’t say that we will always feel Him, but He did say that He is always with us. ✨✨

My friend, unburden yourself from worry, from fear. Bring it all to Him, tell every single worry to Him. Fear is something that all of us have felt at some point. We can’t control even a fraction of our lives. It is only God that knows, and it is only God that has control over everything. But, there is one thing that we can do: surrender.

It’s so much more easier to doubt when we’re faced with something that is uncertain and unknown. But what if we bring God into the equation? There are times when the crushing despair of our situation makes us momentarily forget that we have a God infinitely bigger and greater than whatever we are facing. 

Yet if we look back to the things that have happened in the past, He was always there, even if we didn’t feel it at that moment. 

God fulfills His promises. He never fails. Trust His wisdom. Trust Him who has good plans for you. He’s not done with you yet. And you can trust that He is always good, always merciful, always graceful, always loving, always for you. 🌈💖

He’s got you. Surrender, my friend.

Be blessed,
Alpha

May 16, 2019